I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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