he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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