Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
