I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize