So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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