Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
