just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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