Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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