Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
