Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize