im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
