I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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