i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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