Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
