hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
we should paint friendship bongs
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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