I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Everyone says I win the strip club
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
