Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
