So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
