I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
