she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
