suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
