Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize