At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
