i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Randomize
