2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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