I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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