so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
