So drunk its hurt
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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