who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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