omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
