Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
