Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
