it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
