So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Everything about him screamed your future.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
