so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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