I can tuck mytits in my pants
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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