Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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