Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At least make sure they are 18
Why
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
