Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
