I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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