then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
