I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Holy shit dude........stairs
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
