if i can run in heels then i can drive
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
