Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize