Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
