conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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