If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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