I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
