Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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