Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize