i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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