you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
