I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
