I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
