I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
