im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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