I need help removing her.
I just threw up on my dentist
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Holy shit dude........stairs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
