my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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