I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
