Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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