Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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