no, he came in my armpit
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
