there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
