Are we in a gay sports bar?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
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