I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
please don't ironically join a cult
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