you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
