like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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