areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
