dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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