She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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