Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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