I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said her name was "party"
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
