I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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