I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
