Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
