there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
