the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
