Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
