I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
