he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
