Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
