he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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