i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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