It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
