there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
