come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize