I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize