You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize