He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
