Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dignity is for republicans.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
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