You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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