I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
