two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize