I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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