Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
