I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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