i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
