I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
